Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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