Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
