i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
