just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
