you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
