I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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