Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize