i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
