I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
