He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
