Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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