Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
