I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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