when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
