Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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