Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
