i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My vagina is officially offended.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize