becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
