Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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