I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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