Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize
