anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
