So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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