I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
