I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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