At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize