My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
