We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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