I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
