Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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