Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
