and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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