CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
