I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
being pregnant is like rehab
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
