Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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