Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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