in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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