I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
