Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
