She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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