how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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