So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
