She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
