Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
