dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So vagazzling was a success
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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