last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
