I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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