Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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