I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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