Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
