It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
