How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
