Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
