i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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