Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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