bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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