Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
