I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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