note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
