you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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