Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
