As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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