i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
