dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
