Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I FOUND THE LEGS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize