life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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