do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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