As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize